I could make wine with my vomit
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
