That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
