so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize