Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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