the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
