You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
