what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
