So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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