I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
