lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
