Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
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I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
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HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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