you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
