return my video game
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
the day after is always just damage control
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
