i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Randomize
