I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
