Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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