You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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