New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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