Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
