Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
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She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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