Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
