Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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