the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
