At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize