I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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