I heard we made out
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Randomize
