you suck at this game today
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.