i think i have herpe
just one?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize