im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
