im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
