imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
