just survived the first fart of the relationship.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
