My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.