Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out