We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?