I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
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I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.