I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.