She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
