Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
