i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
