Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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