dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
