So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize