Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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