You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
