Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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