i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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