Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
