i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Randomize
