Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
