hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Randomize
