Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
