my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I just blew my weed a kiss
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night