Have you finally orgasmed yet?
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.