God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Did I show you my penis last night?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
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there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
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She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.