I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.