Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"