I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
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and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
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Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.