we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me