Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...