I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
