It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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