I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
