This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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