It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Two words: nipple clamps
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