everyone is single if you try hard enough
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
