Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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