I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
