The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
