I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
