Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I wear drunk well.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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