Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
