i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
