Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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