did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
