Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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