Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
