just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
