His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Life is so much better after having sex.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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