I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
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